Saturday, March 28, 2009

The Fighting Irish and The Worried Wife


Where have you gone my love?
I've fought my way through the dark
I cannot see I cannot see
Where have you gone?
I'm sure you could live without me
I'm sure I would fall without you

I'm sure by now everyone has seen that there was a long week for the Irish Coven. Maggie disappearing into hotel rooms with Volturi Guard and then being stalked by a newborn created in a revenge plot against the Volturi. Yes definitely a long last few days. While fighting I noticed Maggie about to be attacked and no one was near her at that point it felt like something had exploded inside of me and in that fraction of a second I was next to her kicking her into Renata so she could shield her as I turned to take on the group of newborns, it was almost as if time stalled for me to get to her in time. It may have been just enough to convince me that there may be something different about me not going to be convinced until I talk with Santiago though. After that I was outnumbered and everything went fast. I couldn't see Liam anymore and I thought I had lost him but if I moved I would be attacked by 7 newborns but I was torn and tried to leap over them and collided with one and fell to the ground with 3 on top of me, I screamed in defeat. Santiago came to my side just as I managed to get them off of me. He started to take one down but I didn't care anymore I wanted Liam nothing in this world mattered if he were no longer walking in it. He protested as did my dear Friend Ren he still went though and left me to my fate which honestly not looking good. In the end I was tossed around a bit and nearly defeated, as luck has it I made it through with help from my friends and I'm happy for their friendship.

With the fighting over and the celebration starting I was brought back down to earth. The distance between Liam and I is tearing me up inside. I'm not sure what is going through his head. At Renata's villa when I was trying to talk it over with him I was overwhelmed with the relief that he was alive I couldn't continue... I just couldn't bear to hear the worse at that moment... even if I wanted to know I just wanted to be happy then and though it was all bittersweet I was selfish and took in every moment. Since we have returned home I have seen him here and there and we haven't spoken much. He leaves for long periods of time and spends time with Maggie and he will pass me and kiss the top of my head and wander away again. I just don't know what to do. I've been dealing with this for the past 6 months which really isn't long in our time at all but it is driving me utterly mad. Santiago brought up that possibly he had a change of heart because all of this started when we left the Cullen's home, maybe he doesn't like our way of living and got morals. I don't know if I could change... would change. There are many alternatives, some of the harder ones is that he just doesn't love me. Liam was created by me and hasn't exactly gone throughout the world meeting new vampires. He mainly knows Maggie and I then has met everyone at the Cullens and some Volturi but there are so many more out there. On the other hand it could just be nothing and he could be out doing something fun that he just doesn't want me to know about. It just seems as though he doesn't want to be here with us anymore. I've found my self locking myself away feeling sad, I did that when I was mundane I used to lock myself away in bathrooms and bedrooms to cry I am not comfortable showing my vulnerablity I don't like anyone to see me show weakness. I wish I could just release it and make it go away. Will he leave? I don't know what to think anymore this world of mine is changing everyday.



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