Easter Weekend

But my soul will forever care
and my senses continue to stare
and so am i willing to dare
For losing you is indefinable
and my heart will forever be unstable

I'm at my wits end and just utterly exhausted. Maggie is falling in love with Felix Capra and I have no idea what to do. She's planning to leave the coven and if it doesn't kill me it will absolutely crush my heart. I have no energy to be angry with it right now so I've decided to sit down and talk to her. It's possibly the last thing I can do besides talk to him. Liam hasn't given much feedback about it but he has been my rock and I love him for it. I hope that things work out for the better. Ren, Santiago, and I had a few hours of sparring yesterday which helped immensly.

Easter weekend was a blast (besides the whole ordeal with Maggie). I've spent time with Ren which that woman is my soul mate and always knows how to make my day better. We had a blast with Nessa the past 3 days. She is such a charmer. The egg hunt was spectacular! Though don't ever get a bunch of vampires and raw eggs together it was an epic battle and my hair lost. I'm hoping we have as much fun in Forks. We may wait until Renata can join us though since I'm not sure Maggie will be coming along. I guess I should just will it my way huh? haha Well time to go be serious and talk to Mags.

Ok I know it's been awhile and I'm dreadfully sorry. I had to take some much needed time to myself to sort out the last couple of weeks and just be me for awhile. I didn't take the professor job the gentleman there gave me a bad vibe and I also didn't feel I was as up to date as I would want to be to start teaching again so I decided to start working on publishing my book. We are going to visit the Cullens in a week or so. Maggie is getting overly restless but besides that we've had peaceful days and she is turning out good in our sparring matches. I'm keepin a bit easy on her seeing she ain't got much of a clue to what she's doing. But her new car is gorgeous and now I'm thinking about buying another one and racing her. Other than that I'm as fiesty as ever and always willing to pick a fight so let me know if ya wanna it's been a few days since anyone gave me a run.

I don't know where I'd be without you here with me

I never had no one I could count on
I�ve been let down so many times
I was tired of hurting�
So tired of searching� �til you walked into my life
It was a feeling� I�d never known
And for the first time I didn'�t feel alone
You�re more than a lover
There could never be another
To make me feel the way you do
Oh we just get closer
I fall in love all over
Every time I look at you
I don�t know where I�d be
Without you here with me
Life with you makes perfect sense
You�re my best friend

Liam and I talked. It was nothing and I feel ashamed and utterly horrible for thinking the way I did. He surprised me with this beautiful garden/bathroom/office. I love it. He knows just what I love, GREEN! I love green and the sound of the outside is just so peaceful. I have my own little piece of heaven right here in my backyard. Here I thought he was farming! So we've spent a lot of time together the past few days and I am happy! Not too much else to write right now.

The Fighting Irish and The Worried Wife

Where have you gone my love?
I've fought my way through the dark
I cannot see I cannot see
Where have you gone?
I'm sure you could live without me
I'm sure I would fall without you

I'm sure by now everyone has seen that there was a long week for the Irish Coven. Maggie disappearing into hotel rooms with Volturi Guard and then being stalked by a newborn created in a revenge plot against the Volturi. Yes definitely a long last few days. While fighting I noticed Maggie about to be attacked and no one was near her at that point it felt like something had exploded inside of me and in that fraction of a second I was next to her kicking her into Renata so she could shield her as I turned to take on the group of newborns, it was almost as if time stalled for me to get to her in time. It may have been just enough to convince me that there may be something different about me not going to be convinced until I talk with Santiago though. After that I was outnumbered and everything went fast. I couldn't see Liam anymore and I thought I had lost him but if I moved I would be attacked by 7 newborns but I was torn and tried to leap over them and collided with one and fell to the ground with 3 on top of me, I screamed in defeat. Santiago came to my side just as I managed to get them off of me. He started to take one down but I didn't care anymore I wanted Liam nothing in this world mattered if he were no longer walking in it. He protested as did my dear Friend Ren he still went though and left me to my fate which honestly not looking good. In the end I was tossed around a bit and nearly defeated, as luck has it I made it through with help from my friends and I'm happy for their friendship.

With the fighting over and the celebration starting I was brought back down to earth. The distance between Liam and I is tearing me up inside. I'm not sure what is going through his head. At Renata's villa when I was trying to talk it over with him I was overwhelmed with the relief that he was alive I couldn't continue... I just couldn't bear to hear the worse at that moment... even if I wanted to know I just wanted to be happy then and though it was all bittersweet I was selfish and took in every moment. Since we have returned home I have seen him here and there and we haven't spoken much. He leaves for long periods of time and spends time with Maggie and he will pass me and kiss the top of my head and wander away again. I just don't know what to do. I've been dealing with this for the past 6 months which really isn't long in our time at all but it is driving me utterly mad. Santiago brought up that possibly he had a change of heart because all of this started when we left the Cullen's home, maybe he doesn't like our way of living and got morals. I don't know if I could change... would change. There are many alternatives, some of the harder ones is that he just doesn't love me. Liam was created by me and hasn't exactly gone throughout the world meeting new vampires. He mainly knows Maggie and I then has met everyone at the Cullens and some Volturi but there are so many more out there. On the other hand it could just be nothing and he could be out doing something fun that he just doesn't want me to know about. It just seems as though he doesn't want to be here with us anymore. I've found my self locking myself away feeling sad, I did that when I was mundane I used to lock myself away in bathrooms and bedrooms to cry I am not comfortable showing my vulnerablity I don't like anyone to see me show weakness. I wish I could just release it and make it go away. Will he leave? I don't know what to think anymore this world of mine is changing everyday.

Going back home

Well I'm going home,
Back to the place where I belong,
And where your love has always been enough for me.
I'm not running from.
No, I think you got me all wrong.
I don't regret this life I chose for me.
But these places and these faces are getting old,
So I'm going home.
Well I'm going home.

Had a long week this week. First of all I want to address that I had a lovely time in Volterra and enjoyed staying with Renata immensely. I found friendship with her that I haven't found in anyone in my last 550 years. I acted like a teenager and let myself relax completely free of most worry which I never and I mean never do. But all good things must come to an end. Maggie decided to run off with Felix in the midst of my fun and not return to me for well over 24 hours. Luckily I had Santiago and Demetri to find them for me and bring them back. With relief finally to know she has no attraction to Felix and humor that he has attraction to Renata, I was able to clear my head after a couple hunts and a drive in my beautiful car.

Back home I spent some much needed bonding with my husband Liam. It is painful to be away from him longer than a few hours but it did not hurt so bad with Renata there. Maggie started asking permission to go places like a teenager which made me feel utterly guilty of course because she is free to do what she pleases and she is not a child. But she did call me her mother 4 times in the past 4 days which has made my heart soar. So maybe speaking with Felix for a night wasn't so bad but I'll never admit that besides just this once.

I've been reading Jane Austen today which has put me in a loving mood. I am very peaceful today which with my stress doesn't happen as often as it should. I will be going to see the Dean in Belfast to see if I can pick up a position at his school which I am so longing to teach again I've missed it very much over the past few years. Many aspirations lately. On a side note Liam has been quietly doing something today that is driving me batty! I wish he would be more expressive sometimes but I suppose that is why I adore him.

Me in a nutshell

A Little about me...

Siobhan Fidelma ó Flannagáin

xx just the facts xx

*.name: Siobhan Fidelma o' Flannagáin (Flanagan in english)
*.nicknames: Siv, Shiv, Sib, and Sio
*.age & birthday: 556 years and counting. August 18th 1452
*.grade: College always in college and teaching college students
*.occupation: English Literature Professor
*.money in the bank?: Enough
*.race: Irish Vampire
*.appearance: I have long wavy red hair, I'm tall I stand at a comfortable 6'4", I'm muscular and but in a very feminine way translation: I don't resemble a male. I have pale skin even for a vampire, being a red head does that. I sport the usual vampire burgundy eye color but I had a yellowish-green eye color before which I suppose could go for a light hazel.

xx the beauty behind the face xx


*.likes: reading, writing, teaching, traveling, gardening, singing, listening to music, painting, night, rain, flowers and driving alone.
*.dislikes: sadness, losing a loved one, sun, snow, food, the way animals run from me, Liam leaving, Maggie being rebellious, Reality tv, violence, slow cars, being in the passenger seat, and cleaning.
*.fears: losing my family, losing Liam, losing a friend, having a desirable talent
*.habits: talking to myself, being over-protective, wanting to take care of everyone, procrastination
*.strengths: leadership, teaching, love, friendship, strength
*.weakness: headaches that leave her immobile (mostly come from concentrating to hard or doing too many things at once), compassion, cannot track for the unlife of me, buying cars
*.goals: To lead my coven in the best way possible, to master this so-called talent I posses, to have a large family someday, Educate as many people I can
*.secret(s): Siobhan has always longed to be a mother and is terribly jealous of Esme and Bella though she would never admit it.
*.personality:
x Siobhan loves to laugh and can find humor in almost any situation.
x She tries hard to always lead her coven in the best direction but is always insecure about it.
x She worries about anyone and everyone who has ever touched her life. She is always willing to help a friend and will always help a family member, it's just in her nature.
x She loves to take long drives in her cars and will go to places just to watch people because they fascinate her.
x If she's not out driving you can usually find her at home with her nose in a book. She loves to read and has read almost every book she could get her hands on in the past 400 years.
x Siobhan likes Aston Martins and BMW's you will rarely see her buy a different car.
x Siobhan loves to teach so she will usually try to find a College nearby with an opening for an English Professor
x Siobhan hates cleaning, she has no clue why but clutter makes her feel more comfortable
x Though many people believe she has a talent and most especially after her visit with Carlisle's family and the rest of the vampires. However she trys she doesn't fully believe it she just always claims it's the luck of the Irish.
x She thinks of Maggie as her daughter though I don't think she would ever be caught dead (no pun intended) calling her mom.


xx love me, leave me xx


*.sexuality: she likes men or settled with a man at least
*.turn ons: Irish accents, fast cars, nice clothes, humor and men who like to get dirty.
*.turn offs: lack of humor, slow cars, clean freaks, and goody two shoes.

xx memories xx


*.mother: Aednat (1401 – 1480)
*.father: Dubhlainn (1399 – 1473)
*.siblings:she can't remember them and there are no records of them but she believes she had one or two but she was the oldest
*.other relatives: Doesn't recall any
*.vampire mother: Kyna ó Dubhghaill (Doyle in English)
*.vampire father: Kyna did not have a mate when I was created and she created me out of loneliness she later found a mate named Jeremiah but they ended up caught unwillingly in a war and Jeremiah was killed in the crossfire between to old friends. Kyna killed his friends in revenge despite their serene apologies and then had herself killed though I am unsure how. Kyna taught Siobhan how to be such a strong female vampire which is why Siobhan is one of few coven leaders
*.pets:right now Liam has some pigs (he is trying to farm for some reason) other than that none animals don't seem to get along with Vampires very well
*.hometown: Belfast, Ireland
*.current residence: Omagh, Ireland
*.history: Siobhan was born in the rather large town of Belfast, Ireland. She lived in the classic Roman Catholic home that most Irish do. She was taught all the morals and sins by her mother and then how to get around them by her father. She graduated school and but her parents did not have any money to send her to college so she worked for the local schools volunteering to wash boards and keep the children in line hoping that she would be able to save up for school one day. Siobhan was a regualr at the local library and all the people shook their heads "Saying she ought to be getting married she's getting to be an old hen" and "Such a waste". Finally she went to Champlain in Dublin and a professor there sent her to a well off lady in town when she was about 24. Siobhan spent most of her time with Nora, cleaning her house and tending her garden while Nora paid for her to attend college and gave her room and board. One night after studying late at school she decided to stop at a pub for a pint when she met a pecuiliar but beautiful woman named Kyna with burgundy eyes. They both talked for awhile and Kyna invited Siobhan out for a drive. Kyna was so fascinated that she changed Siobhan the minute they were in a dark area then brought her back to her house to await the change. Siobhan awoke to Kyna and was told what she was. Siobhan accepted it and Kyna took her under her wing for awhile until she met her mate Jeremiah. Siobhan was not ready to travel with Kyna and Jeremiah so they parted ways and Siobhan went Nomad traveling to many countries and later met Liam and then later found Maggie and changed her trying to find her place the best she could as a mother in this world. Siobhan has studied English Literature and jsut about any other subject she can find and teaches in universities as long as she can and has also taught vampires. She is always struggling to believe in herself but it is her greatest shortcoming.

Now you know everything you can know about me. Crazy huh? HA!

St. Marcus Day

Leaving to Italy and I just finished this so I have decided before I go to make a little post. Hello world so glad you could join me. See you soon.
Happy Saint Marcus Day! Don't forget to wear your red and black today.